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Hero's Fashion with Vichan Xoan

June 13, 2014 - 12:26am -- Vichan Xoan
Hero's Fashion with Vichan Xoan

Vichan Xoan

Friends, the styles of our heroes have just been absolutely atrocious. I am not saying that I expect all of our combat-inclined vigilantes to be able to model. However, I think you will agree with me that these ones sorely need someone with a sense for the chic. Like me. So sit down, relax and lets share some quality time looking over our first batch of legendary heroes and see how they measure up in the arena of fashion.

 

Sky captain

Oh, sky captain. My sky captain. Dear, we’re not a set of explorers who stand on the bows of airships with some amusing, possibly anthromorphic sidekick. You’re a hero. Ditch the brooding leather jacket for something just a bit more stylish and breathable. Oh, and kneepads? Are you a hero-in-training? I think not, dear. Put on your big girl pants that don’t look like you’ve over washed them. I know you have elegance in you, sugar. I’d give this a six out of ten but that staff – that only adds to your “mysterious” allure and completely clashes with everything else – makes me give you a four. Bring out the class that says, “I stand on the bow of ships with my arms spread wide and a loving, rogue of a male stands behind me. Then, we go off somewhere so he can paint me like one of those Elonan girls.”

 

School Girl

This Asura is so cute! She looks like a little doll that we is tucked under some little girl’s arm. She is absolutely adorable but does she need to be on the battlefield? Honey, you do realize that you’re trying to be a legendary figure that all of Tyria looks up to. Who is going to look back and remember this school girl who looks like she is dressed up for her college’s prom? Maybe Braham but he seems like a guy who got hit one too many times on the head. Give us something a bit more battle worthy and intimidating. At least get rid of the bow before we all mistake you for a girl trying to sell us cookies. I’ll give you five out of ten. Only because you’re so adorable!

 

 

Hunk

Oh. Oh my. How are YOU doing you hunk of manly man? At least that is what I would ordinarily say to a half-naked man. The problem here is that you look like Zommoros’ younger brother. You try so hard to look sexy but why the purple haze? Why the pointy shoes? Oh. Wait. Are you one of those Canthan comic fan boys? Is this a cosplay of one of their characters who helped purge the land of those oh-so-dirty non-humans? I feel like you’re going to tell me about a thirty episode story about how the main character only achieved this form after nearly dying and then unlocking his true potential right at the end. Then yell “OVER 9,000!” at me for no reason.  Three out of ten.

 

 

Spike

Well in typical Blood Legion fashion we have spikes and bright colors. I feel like I am looking at a deadly version of a peacock. I’m sure there is some practicality for Spike to think that all of this is necessary. Maybe he wants to be bright so people can see him on the battlefield. Typical charr nonsense about strategy and warfare. The only thing I can say in defense of this is that this is possibly the only style I’ve seen that fits what we expect of the heroes of Tyria. This charr looks like a hero. Perhaps the gaudy color tones are to blind his enemies with? Seven out of ten for being the most heroic looking armor of the batch.

 

Goth

Up next we have an Asura who must believe she is a ghost. Look at all that non-existent color going on. I feel like I’m staring at some sort of new form of Goth. “My life is so void that even color won’t touch me. You just don’t understand me. No one understands me but Nightshade. That isn’t her real name but she is so Goth.” Dear, I’m certain you’re past your rebellious stage. Heck, haven’t you graduated from college by now? Let’s put down the eye-liner. Go get some sun and do a bit of responsible, adult heroing. There is nothing more adult and responsible than killing masses of a lesser race to steal all their shiny things. Five out of ten. You get that because I’m certain someone out there will be a little intimidated by your alternative style.

 

What?

I’ve been afraid of this one. When I first saw it I had to take a double take and then back away slowly. I never knew Norn to be so daring. Let us start off with something nice. You have very nice... um. I like your… uh. By the Gods, man! You look like you belong in Super Adventure Box and saving us all from the terrible onslaught of a gigantic toy robot! What is with all that bubblegum pink? This looks more like you’re heading to some strange meeting behind closed doors. You know. The ones with the safe words? One out of ten! I think the only reason you’re wearing a mask is because you don’t want your mother to hear about this fashion atrocity.

Agree with Vichan's eye for style? Want to let him know what you think about his own fashion? Leave a comment below for him to read! If you're daring even leave a picture of your own character to be reviewed by this fashionista.

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