This is what happens when Sardu accidentally lets Barlow out of his crypt for too long. While most of us busy ourselves with build discussions or the contemplation of core game mechanics, Barlow clearly isn’t afraid to address the hard hitting topics many of us wonder about, but don’t dare vocalize.
With Barlow’s Box o' Fun, you never know what you’re going to find inside. This week he ponders one of the deeper questions throughout all of Tyria ever since the sylvari first appeared: do sylvari fart?
There I was, telling stories around the campfire to a rabid pack of thousand-year-old grizzly bear ghosts, and the most perplexing thought suddenly struck me: do sylvari fart? Standing up slowly so as not to startle my guests, my gaze swept across the fertile forest floor. If this mystery could be unraveled, surely there would be some hints to be discovered here in the great cradle of nature.
Closing my eyes, I allowed my nose to guide me, while listening to the whispering bees on the breeze. Or was it the sound of the Nightmare's crown, descending down upon an unsuspecting town?
Carefully I crept through cascading crypt orchids, blooming out of season under fiery moonlit shadows. Sampling their scent and noting a distinct absence of odor, I continued onward, further into the depths of the Maguuma Jungle.
Past the great Bloodstone I roamed, until suddenly and with much shock, a sylvari appeared wearing an old leafy frock. How should I greet this inquisitive creature with bark-laden features? Dare I directly inquire, or instead sniff out my incessant desire?
For a moment I lingered, unsure of how to proceed, until suddenly I blurted out, "could I please pull your finger?"
The sylvari simply stood there, clearly perplexed by my utterly random request. Extending a long elegant arm in my direction, I shifted my weight and upon much reflection it occurred to me that maybe a proper introduction was in order.
“Greetings, my name is Barlow”, I said with a bow, and noticed the subtlest of shifts in her brow. Looking over my shoulder I noted the grizzly ghosts and continued, “Never mind them – they’re mostly harmless.”
Gaining a sudden surge of confidence I practically yelled, “Do sylvari fart?” At first she remained silent, as if lost deep thought, until a mischievous smile swept through her eyes as she finally replied…
The moral of the story
In the midst of all the in-depth discussions about mechanics and systems, or skills and builds, don’t forget to take some time to stop and smell some of the many great gameplay and storytelling roses Guild Wars 2 has to offer.
Sylvari are deeply interesting creatures, and represent one of the greatest mysteries in the game for fans of all stripes. But you do have to ask yourself what would a sylvari fart smell like? Would it be pungent or sweet? Would they smell like fragrant flowers, or damp, moldy bark?
I look forward to your comments on the matter this weekend, and am equally excited to see the results when you open up my next Box of Fun!